harriet lerner

Yes, but Does it Feel Right to You?

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You said what you said. You did what you did. Does it feel right? Is it you? Or were you doing that to please someone else?

The biggest source of regret I see is when people ignore or squelch their instincts, rather than act on them. Usually this is done to please someone else, or to keep the peace, or out of fear of expressing yourself and being judged by other people. And it usually feels really bad inside you. And you try to swallow that.

One day I realized I am stopping me. Then I got up and started living my dream. Photo: Sanja Gjenero, sxc.hu
One day I realized I was the one stopping me from living my dream. Then I got up and started my life. Photo: Sanja Gjenero, sxc.hu

Then when your bad feelings get worse, you have to live with the fact that you knew better. You knew. But you ignored your inner wisdom.

What’s stopping you from doing or saying what you know is inside of you? How do you cope with the angst that results from squelching yourself? Are you overweight? Sick? Depressed?

Revealing your true feelings, or just being yourself involves risk. Will someone get mad at you? Reject you? Blame you? Make fun?

Start with the premise that your gut instincts are there for a reason. They are important information about you and the meaning of your life. There is nothing awful about you that needs to be hidden. There is beauty there that is meant to be expressed. Of course, if you’ve done wrong you can make amends and don’t do those things again. Now is a new moment.

If you don’t know how to do or say what you really mean in a way that won’t be destructive or hurtful to yourself or someone else, get help. See a therapist. Read The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner. Take a course in self-empowerment. You only have one life to live. Live it now.

Copyright 2013, Lisa C. DeLuca. . Re-posting this article on the web is against copyright law and it will harm this website. Instead of copying this work, if you like it, post a quote from it and  link back to this page. Please do not reprint or distribute my work without permission. If you would like to use my work in any form, other than linking to it, please contact me at LisaCDeLuca (at) gmail.com. Thank you.

The information in this post is general information and is not a intended as  personal mental health advice.